mood: 
I’ve been staring at the computer for a while now. I just don’t know what to write. The words just won’t come out naturally. I am not quite sure what I want to write about. I can’t compose my thoughts. I feel like I can no longer manage the baggage I’m carrying. It’s as if my head is about to blow. It has become overwhelming. It has gotten into my nerves. It has affected me in so many ways. All I want is… to be at peace! Peace of mind… quiet life… happy self…
mood: 
These past few days have been very stressful for me…personally and with work as well. I am trying my best not to be affected by it but I just can’t help it. I have said in my previous post that I have to learn to let go. I can’t control everything! I can’t let it happen the way I want it to be! I can’t please everyone! Many say God only gives us trials we can handle. I’m just happy and thankful that He didn’t just give me the challenges but also great friends I can count on. It is hard whatever I’m doing right now but I know I can overcome this…in God’s time.
mood: 
I’ve been trying to go to bed early these past few days but I just can’t sleep right away no matter what. Maybe it’s because of the hot weather… or because of stress! Last night was different. I had a really good sleep for almost 9 hours. Yes! 9 hours! I’m a person who should have at least 8 hours of sleep. And it helps a lot. I don’t feel tired. I don’t feel sleepy. I don’t feel cranky. I just have the energy that I need! I hope it’ll be like this... always.
Mood: 
Having a misunderstanding with someone close to your heart is the worst feeling you could ever have. Every human is unique…different. And being one that is, we can’t just agree to something all the time. I feel so down right now. I feel like I’m floating in the air waiting to be blown away to where it will bring me. I’m totally confused. I keep asking myself what I did wrong! I just don’t understand how things are lately. All I know is I’m being honest with what I want to say and do. But you know what? There are times we have the tendency to say things that we don’t really mean. I’m trying my best not to hurt anybody. I try to choose the words I will use. But do I have to do all these just by myself?! They say it takes two to tango but it seems like it’s not happening the way it should be. I’ve done more than enough. Now I am choosing to learn how to let go. Oh yes it is not easy! But I think it’s the wisest move. I can’t please everyone. I can’t control all situations. I will have to try to accept things as they are because no matter what, she will not see… she will not realize… she can’t appreciate…unless she chooses to. Right now, I just want to be at peace… happy… content. And if it doesn’t come out as it’s expected, I don’t have to blame myself for not doing what I’m supposed to do because I know I tried. Only time can tell…
A friend of mine (Aileen) told me this very powerful line… Stress-free Life is Liberty!
mood: 
My sister's birthday was last Friday, July 8th. I'm late in doing my post again. Haha! I greeted her on that day! I sent her a text message! It's just that I don't blog often enough to remember it.
Anyway, as I always say, I really want you to be happy! All the best sistah! Mwah!
mood:
I made a post before on how really hard it is to leave a place with so much memories for good. ‘Nanay’ was crying her heart out last night. She was saying it’s not easy thinking that she’s in Manila not just for a vacation. She said she couldn’t voice out her concerns because she doesn’t want to be misunderstood. She wants to live close to her children but it’s really hard for her to be away from the place she has gotten used to. She said she can’t just stay home most of the time watching tv, eating, sleeping. And even if she wants to go somewhere, she doesn’t know the ins and outs of the place. She doesn’t even know how to get to the bus station so she could go to the province. Over there, she can just go to the market by herself…go to church…go visit ‘Tatay’ at the cemetery. It’s really different not being in your own house. And I feel for her. I didn’t exactly know what to tell her other than be open with her feelings. She has to tell them how she feels and what she wants. My aunt was also saying last night that 'Nanay' will stay with me had I been in Manila. I think so too. I remember her saying that to me a few years back. I just miss her. I’m just glad I’ll be seeing her soon…
mood: 
We went out for dinner at Boulder Creek in College Point. It was our first time there except for Lester. It's basically American cuisine. The food was great. I had a full rack of baby back ribs in hickory sauce. Yes it's very yummy! I didn't want to order steaks as I might not be able to finish it. It came with my choice of fries and house salad with vinaigrette dressing. I didn't like the dressing though. I think it got some herbs that made the taste different. But overall, I enjoyed their food.
Side story... I told them I should have brought my camera with me as soon as we entered the restaurant. They were like...'yeah you could have taken your camera with you'. They even suggested to buy a disposable one at a nearby store. I'm like, forget it! I said don't worry about it! It's really ok. But little did I know, Manang Fely (my landlady) had her camera with her. I also didn't even notice when Sylvia told the waiter that it's my birthday and so 3 waiters came with a very delicious dessert called rocky mountain avalanche (hot fudge brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream) and sang a happy birthday song. Isn't that great! Oh and I'm just happy they took a picture of me blowing a candle.
While my family and friends are not here to celebrate with me, I'm just glad...really happy that I have Manang Fely and the family with me. Now as I go to bed, a sweet smile remains...
mood: 
I knew it! There will be more greetings!
Pat just called (3:50pm) not so long ago. I haven't talked to him since they moved to North Carolina. I understand since they got so preoccupied with so many things being in a new place. He also told me his wife Sheryll is pregnant.
Tita Laling phoned me at 9:16:52 pm to say her greetings. We didn't stay that long on the phone as I was still out. She asked about my age. I said 31 without hesitation. Haha! I never denied my age. Though this will be my last year to be in the calendar. :)
Then Tita Neri called at 9:50:20 pm. I can hear her daughter KC in the background singing a happy birthday song. That's so sweet! Tita Neri also asked if I had a nice time last night. I'm like it was too short. She said I could sleep over next time.
Also, I got some more emails from my godson Migs (which of course was made by his mother Caryl), Diggs and Sarah as follows:
Happy Birthday Ninang Faye !!!!
Wish you have a successful life and prosperous marriage ahead....
See you soon!
Love,
MIGS
Diggs - Belated happy b-day 2 u Faye....
Happy birthday, Faye!!Blow out, blow out, blow out !!Pictures ulit, ha..Kelan ba uwi mo?Sarah
Lastly, a greeting from Cathy while I'm doing my post right now.
Oops, one more...
Fhatty - Sis hapi bday! Glod bles u! 11:02:04pm 7/6/05
mood: 
Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to me!
Yes it is my birthday today! Nothing much special is about to happen except that I’m taking my landlady’s family to dinner tonight. I think it’ll be just like an ordinary day. It used to make me feel sad but not now that I’m counting the days till it’s time for me to go home for a visit. Yey! But I’ve got text and email messages from relatives and friends which I have included below (unedited):
Ruby/Arnold - Pepay, happy birthday! Saka mo na kami i-blow out pagdating mo dito.
*****
Rea - hi faye-belated happy birthday to you:)
*****
Hi Faye!
Thank you...Happy birthday too!!
Wishing you all the best in life!
Aubrey/julie
*****
Sharyn - hi ate faye!!!... how are u na po?...just want 2 grit u a blessed birthday!!!!... ...
ngatz ka po lagi dyan...we're praying for u always...lapit na din naman mag sept, uwi ka na...YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... ... GOD Bless!!! muah, muah
*****
Dudes –
*****
Tita Baby (Switzerland) - good morning!happy happy birthday!
card message:
an:faye
alles gute zu deinem geburstag.viel glück und gute gesundheit.
ate baby
*****
Raphael -
card message:
an:ate faye
ate faye happy happy birthday to you !wish you all the best!
from ,
raphael
*****
Arlene - hi pepay, happy happy birthday... buti ka pa 18 years old na... ay 2005 na nga pala ngayon, mas me edad at mature ka na.. hehehe. joke lang friend. Happy Birthday and i wish you and Ervin na din a good
and happy life together.
*****
HELLO FAYE, JUST WANTED TO DROP YOU A LINE TO LET YOU
KNOW THAT YOU ARE THOUGHT OF ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY ON
JULY 5 AND ALWAYS...WITH SPECIAL PRAYERS THAT GOD
GRANT YOU YOUR HEARTS DESIRES.
MALU
Fondly
*****
Rene - I WANNA LET YOU KNOW THAT JULY 5 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY. SO, I'M GREETING YOU ADVANCE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY, AND ON JULY 6 BELATED HAPPY
BIRTHDAY. BUT YOU'RE IN A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE YESTERDAY, TODAY AND
TOMOROW SO THAT'S RATHER CONFUSING. PERO SANA MATIYEMPUHAN NG
GREETINGS KO ANG BIRTHDAY MO. AYOS! HEHEHE..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
*****
On your birthday, I wish you a beautiful and peaceful day ... Have fun and enjoy your day... your loved ones are truly happy for you!!!!
Have a blessed birthday!! Keep in touch my dear friend...matutuwa akong makita kang muli.. malapit na ang iyong kasal.....
Regards.
Ernie Gutierrez
*****
Vel - Faye, lapit na ng birthday mo a, tatanda ka na naman.. (ngek ako rin pala).
*****
Jay - Happy birthday!!! B7N card will be given sometime later this month. I don’t have any for now. Soon as I have a chance to get it, I’ll give it to you. Sorry. Happy birthday again.
*****
Ayan ha! I didn't forget your birthday. You were complaining last year.
Jing L. San Pascual
*****
Hi Faye,Wishing a very happy birthday. May the Lord God showers you with more blessings,good health,more love. And also to guide & bless you especially on your forthcoming wedding. God Bless and take care always.alwyas,ellen
*****
Marie - to faye, belatedHAPPY BDAY?!
Here are the greetings I got via the text:
Aileen – happy bday. Have a good one.
*****
Miqui/Fionna – oi…hapi bday! Ingat dyan parati! Malapit k n balik d2.
*****
Ana – hapi b-day.
*****
Mama – wishing u GOD’s perfect touch…may ur heart b filled wid love…HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Love u!!!
*****
Papa – HAPPY BIRTHDAY ito lng ang kaya naming ipadala s iyo, anak.
*****
Adoy – Wei!!! Happy Birthday!
And of course, Irvin called me twice…12mn of July 5th, Manila time and 12mn, USA time. I don’t think I was making sense last night though. I was really sleepy I couldn’t get to my senses. But it was definitely appreciated. He even sent me a card more than a week ago. Irvin also told me Aou want to extend her greeting. It's just that she couldn't text me since she doesn't have any load in her cell. I also got calls from friends today like Maridel, etc. I received the card that she sent last Saturday. I specifically requested from her to look for the card that she forgot to send last year so I have it now. Also, she saw my interest into this special edition book of 'Friends' when we were in Virginia last year. I didn't buy it. I don't find it practical. Along with the card is the complete 9th season of Friends. Nice huh! :)
It’s only noon. I wonder who else will greet me today! Hmmm…
mood:
Happenings for the last 3 days
Saturday
I treated myself for a full body massage. Geez! She was so good. I felt really relaxed. I didn’t feel like doing anything anymore after that. She is nice. She asked how much pressure I wanted. I also filled up a paper…some sort of a background of my daily routine so she could have an idea which part of my body is more tensed and which parts need concentration. Overall, I’m very satisfied. And I don’t think it’s bad to have another session sometime. Haha!
I also went to Flushing to scout for a Motorazr V3. The retail price is $320 for the silver one and $360 for the black. The Chinese guy offered it to me for $40 should I get it with service. I agreed to get it with the plan. Oh and I have to get the $39.99 plan to get that deal. He specifically said I could downgrade after 4 months (since I don’t really need that much minutes) without extending the contract. I’ve signed contracts and credit card slip for $500 just in case I cancelled the service for whatever reason. Yup it’s $500 if I cancel or do some other changes. There’s even another $200 fee to be paid directly to the provider for cancellation. That’s $700! Whew! Upon getting home, I was playing with the phone so I could familiarize myself with the features, it being my first Motorola phone. Then, I’ve scanned through the documents that I’ve signed. And… it says that I cannot make any changes not until after 185 days! That’s 6 months! Having calculated all the money it’ll cost me, I decided to return it on Monday.
Sunday
I went to church in the AM, had lunch, watched the movie “Hitch” and then, went to the mall. I got a lot of stuff from Victoria's Secret. It’s their semi-annual sale and you could get so many things at good prices. I’m just so happy to have bought ‘pasalubong’ for female relatives and friends. Now I just have to worry for the kids and the men which I don’t even have any idea.
Monday
I went to Victoria's Secret again (this time at a different location) to return one make up set that’s actually a little bit rubbed off and missing brushes. I saw lipsticks on sale and got some.
Then, I went to see Tita Inday (Tita Gie’s cousin). It was my first time to go to that area so I wasn’t that comfortable at first locating for their apartment. Then I saw Tita Gie and the family right at the corner. I didn’t even notice them until Vanessa said, “Huy!” I ate so much. There was a lot of good food… Kare-kare (ox tail), Crispy Pata, Pinapatisan, Chicken Curry, Camaron Rebosado, and Sotanghon. I had to admit that I ate twice and brought some pancit and shrimp home. Haha!
It was so funny on the way home seeing people going in the other direction. Well that’s because they’re going to see the fireworks display. I decided not to since I don’t want to go home really late. I arrived at around 10pm already.
I may be a little tired right now but it was such a fun-filled weekend.
mood: 
We’ll have a three-day weekend because of the Independence Day on July 4th… no clear plans yet though. Well tomorrow I’m going to treat myself for a massage spa. I’ll have a combination of Swedish and Shiatsu massages. It’s cheaper at the Fresh Meadows Spa (the fitness center that I used to go to!) compared to other spas. Nope! Forget about those ones in Manhattan. It’ll definitely be more money. Maybe I’ll do my laundry too tomorrow. I might go to Jersey City on Sunday at Aaron’s house. We’ll have a little barbeque party. Of course, Tita Baby Evelyn and Tito Ariel will be there. Don (relative of the other side) might be there too. I might stay will Manang Glo overnight since she’ll be home alone. Manang Baby, her sister, will go to Rhode Island to visit a relative. Whew! Hope I won’t be too tired with the travel and all.
mood: 
I went to New Jersey for the weekend. I haven’t visited Tita Gie since the New Year. It was the graduation party of Viviene and Vaughn. I got there around 1pm. And as usual, Tita Gie was busy in the kitchen. I just had some ziti and hotdog on a bun then I helped her with the cooking. There was so much food…good tasting food like lechon, bistek, sotanghon, pininyahang manok, menudo, lumpia shanghai, ginataang langka, chicken lollipops, palabok, and desserts like ube and cassava. There was also green salad with ranch and thousand island dressings.
The people who came weren’t as many as before though. And… my cousins made fun of me…well kind of, by letting me drink Smirnoff. I don’t really drink but I got to like this beer since it is flavored. And believe it or not, I had 4 bottles for the night. I had the apple and cranberry-flavored. The bad thing is I had map-like marks (reddish) in my body. I don’t have history of any allergy…not even from food. So I really suspected there was an ingredient of that beer that’s not for me.
I went to pick up Tita Inday and KC at the Journal Square Station. Benny who was with me served as my navigator since I’m not familiar with the area. I haven’t driven in a long time. I’m just very happy and excited when I got to drive again. It wasn’t bad at all though I must say the steering wheel was kind of shaky at times. Well maybe because I’m not yet used to driving. I was glad that Tita Inday came. At least I had company for the night. We talked until the wee hours of the morning and decided to go to sleep at around 5am. I woke up at 11am, had lunch and Tito Freddie took us to Manhattan by 3pm.
As soon as I got home, I just fixed my clothes and went to the Laundromat. I made some phone calls last night and finally went to sleep at 10:45pm. Now, I’m back to work.
mood:
A lot of us are afraid of death, aren't we? But whether we like it or not, it's a stage of life that everyone has to face. Some may be sudden due to an accident or sickness and some will be normal because of old age. I've come accross this topic on another blog and found the websites supporting this... Death Clock and Bella Online.
Death Clock:
Your personal day of death is... Tuesday, September 16, 2053
Seconds left to live... 1,521,969,230 as of 2:58pm
Bella Online:
YOUR LIFECLOCK RESULTS
You are born on: 05-07-1974
Given your current habits, you are likely to die on: 2/7/2062
That is in:
57 Years
680 Months
20683 Days
496378 Hours
29782630 Minutes
1786957741 Seconds
You will be 88 Years Old.
The thing is I got different results on each. Now which one is correct?! Hmmm...
mood:
As usual, I’m making my post a belated one. I called him on Saturday anyway. I didn’t stay that long on the phone though. I spoke with Mama for like an hour already before I got hold of my Papa. Anyway, Happy Father's to my Papa!
Over here, we went to a Malaysian Restaurant named Satay to celebrate Father’s Day for Kuya Nel (my landlady’s son). That was our 2nd time to dine in there. They have good food I should say. And the price is very reasonable too. I love the Roti Canai. The spicy curry chicken dipping sauce is really good. Hmmm… yummy! Their chicken and beef satay with the peanut dipping sauce also taste great.
That's about it!
mood: 
It’s been a long time since I last posted. There have been a lot of things that had happened in the past days but I was just too busy at work making me tired when I get home.
It was my first time to visit the Philippine Consulate of NY on June 3rd. I have nothing much to say. Well it’s still the same system that we have back home…manual. I had to go back the following business day just to pick up the docs that I had them processed.
My Uncle Dennis came for a visit on June 2nd. But I went to see him in NJ at their friend’s apartment on Saturday. He’s now based in Singapore. He teaches ballroom dancing and he attended the Salsa Congress in LA so he decided to go east. We basically just stayed there the whole day, cooked some food, catching up for the years we have not seen each other. You can see the picture here.
There was a sudden change of the weather this past week. It’s freaking hot! You feel tired…you feel sticky…you have headache... name it! The only good side of it… you’re wearing light clothes. I’ve had enough of sweaters and jackets. And… we’re still getting too much rain.
Yesterday, I had a general cleaning of my room. I washed all my sheets, vacuumed, dusting, threw out stuffs that I don’t need/use, and basically organized my things. I did my laundry already late about past 4pm. Today, I feel so lazy. I woke up almost 11am so I missed the 10:30am mass. I had brunch and literally just stayed in my room until 4:30pm. I went out to do some grocery shopping. Exciting huh! Oh and before I forget… it was my landlady’s granddaughter’s birthday today. We had good food…grilled pork belly, shrimps, ‘pansit’ (noodles), ‘lumpia shanghai’ (meat rolls), baked salmon, green salad, and the yummiest of all…ice cream cake. Hmmm…
I better go to bed now! It’s getting late and I have work tomorrow.
Note: I did this originally last night but I had to delete it and post it again. It changed the look of my blog when I published it.
mood:
May 29th – Shopping at Tanger / Adoy’s birthday on May 30th and also Malu’s
Memorial Day is a national holiday in the US. This is being observed every last Monday of May. I would say it’s one of the big holidays wherein you could also get good buys from the stores.
Tanger is an hour drive from home. It’s kind of worth it since there were really a lot of items on sale. I got some good deals. At least I have already started buying stuff for my siblings in preparation for my trip to the Philippines on September.
Happy Birthday, Adoy!
It was around noon when I sent a text message to my brother. His birthday is May 30th but since they are 13 hours in advance, I greeted him in time that they changed date. I didn’t get a reply from him though. Hmmm…
Happy Birthday, Malu!
I called and greeted Malu at 10pm. I also learned that they went to Seattle to take advantage of the holiday sale too. She said she had fun and she got stuff for their new house. We didn’t talk much as she will still go to church.
mood: 
May 28th – NYC Tour with Roy
Roy used to be an officemate in the Philippines. I haven’t since him in more than 5 years I guess. He went to Canada when he left the company and not long enough, he moved to California. He came to the US on November 2001 which was just 5 months before I got here. Anyway, he called me around 2 weeks ago to let me know he’s coming to NY for a family reunion. We agreed to meet and I made a promise to take him for a tour in the city.
I met him in Grand Central Terminal at around past 8AM. We took the No. 4 train to go to Battery Park. This is where we took the South Ferry to go to the Statue of Liberty. There were so many people in line wanting to see Liberty. While we were at the Ferry, Roy was busy talking to 2 Japanese ladies. I, on the other hand, was busy taking pictures of the view. We didn’t get the chance to go inside though. We didn’t know there are 2 kinds of tickets. The ticket which will allow you to go in will have to be purchased at least a day before the visit. We enjoyed the view anyway. It was also a good thing Roy brought a tripod for the camera. At least we didn’t really have to bother someone else to take a picture of us.
Then, we went to Chinatown. We took the same train going there. This is the place for cheap stuffs and oh well…imitations. It felt like I was in Divisoria. Too many vendors on the sidewalks…too crowded…people were loud…so many bargains. We headed next to Little Italy which is just 2 blocks away. There you can see a lot of people eating outside the restaurants enjoying the nice weather. We had lunch at Benito One. Roy was craving for the traditional spaghetti with meatballs. It was good though. I made the wrong choice though. I was looking for the Seafood Linquini in their menu but I couldn’t find it. I ordered something with seafood then not realizing it doesn’t come with pasta. It tasted good in fairness. We had Starbucks coffee before we headed to Times Square. Roy accompanied me to scout for fabric swatches. We had a hard time locating those stores considering I didn’t find the exact fabric shade that I was looking for.
Our day together ended at 4:30pm. It was nice to have been with a former colleague…that I haven’t seen in a long time. He’s scheduled to go back to CA on Sunday.
mood: 
I was on the phone last night talking to my grandmother. I really feel bad for her. She’s currently living with my father’s youngest brother, his wife and kids. My uncle’s family made a big decision however to move out of town which is 3-4 hours away from where they’re at right now. I haven’t actually talked to my uncle but whatever reasons they have, let’s just leave it as it’s what they think is best for the family. They will now leave the rented apartment for good. With this, my grandma has no choice but to move to Manila. She can’t definitely stay alone in our house in another town 45 minutes away from the apartment. They have lived in that apartment for a very long time now. They’ve been there even before I was born. My grandma was expressing her sadness to leave that house full of memories especially that of my grandpa who passed away in 1997. I can feel her pain. And like her, I was also saddened with the news. I was really surprised. I’m just worried that she’ll be stuck at home in Manila since she’s not familiar with the place. She couldn’t go anywhere else. In the province, she goes to the cemetery to visit my grandpa at least every week. She can go to the church alone. She can do grocery shopping alone too. More importantly, she knows the people around her…the neighbors. Now none of these will be possible for her anymore. Our province is 3-4 hours away from Manila. She could only get there if someone will actually take her. I just told her to try to keep herself busy. Do some chores if she can so she won’t get bored. Maybe go out at times and walk around the block. I made a promise that I’ll just call her often. If I’m only staying there right now, I’ll definitely ask her to live with me. It’ll be my pleasure to take care of her just like how she took care of me when I was little.
Also, I mentioned this to my childhood friend Aileen and she herself was surprised. She even asked if we had considered getting someone who can accompany my grandma in the apartment. That’s possible but I don’t think they will even entertain that idea. I was in that house from four months old till the age of 12. And even I moved to Manila after graduating elementary, I still go there for a visit at least twice a year until I left for the States.
Again, this is one change in our lives that we have to accept.
mood:
I’ve posted something for Malu when she had her operation earlier this month. She’s now in Canada for good unless she’ll have a really bad homesickness. Her husband is still in the Philippines and no certainty yet when he will come to join her. I phoned her last Saturday at past 12am. Malu hasn’t changed. She’s still the soft spoken person that I’ve always known. I can recall when I used to work with her how good a mentor she has always been. And for the many years that I have not had the chance to talk to her, she’s still that person who’s full of advises and encouraging words. I had fun especially when we were talking about the memories of the past and the people we both know. We didn’t talk that much as her husband was on the other line. It was only about 45 minutes I guess. Well, not long enough. I’ll call her again anyway.
Malu sent me this email through the bpocp yahoogroup:
Thanks for your call Faye. You just don't know how
much it meant to me. Being so far away from family and
friends is indeed lonely and we do need a good support
group to keep our sanity.
Thanks for sharing your wedding plans. All the very
best to you and Irvin as you embark on this marital
journey. Just remember to always put the Lord as the
ONLY 3rd party in your marriage. He should be the
Center of your lives.
Tita Malu
mood:
In simple terms...
- Cranky
- Anxious
- Despondent
- Droopy
- Bored
AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHh!!!!!!!!!!!!
