mood: 
Thanksgiving Day is fast approaching and I can’t wait. I’ll be spending it in MA as usual. It’s something that I just can’t give up as it’s the only time of the year that I get a 4-day weekend. And of course, it’ll give me much happiness being with a close relative… Tita Laling.
mood: 
It is pouring out. So depressing… I’m not in my usual self. I don’t know what to think. Some things have gotten so complicated lately. My mind is too pre-occupied with so many things that I don’t anymore know how to move on. What should I do?!
mood: 
I came to the US on March 11, 2002. I went straight to MA that time and stayed with Tita Laling (Mama’s cousin) for about more than 2 months. Having found a job in NY, I moved here on Memorial Day (May 2002). While I have always spent Thanksgiving Day in MA, I haven’t visited my family in the Philippines since.
Finally, after a little more than 3 ½ years, I went home for a month’s vacation. I arrived there on September 18th. The trip was long. It took 14 ½ hours from NY to Seoul, Korea and another 3 hours & 40 minutes going to Manila. It was my 1st time to board Korean Air though. I would say their service is great. They make sure their customers are satisfied. They served good food. The plane was nice. We had individual monitors where there’s a great selection of music and movies.
I had mixed emotions while on the plane. I was excited. The happiness I felt was really overwhelming. I was even nervous I don’t know why. My heart was beating fast when the plane captain announced that we were landing shortly. As the plane got lower, I’ve seen house roofs and cars on the road. I was like… I’m finally here! I didn’t really have a hard time at the immigration. I should say I came out of the airport fast. The very 1st person I saw while going down the ramp was Irvin. My sister said he has been there since 9 AM. My arrival time was 10:50 AM by the way. Papa and my brother Mickey were there as well. We went to Duty Free where Papa bought some liquor. We went to San Andres directly afterwards. The 1st thing I noticed when we reached home was the message “Welcome Home Faye” by the living room. Everyone was excited as I opened my luggage and ‘balikbayan box’. I wasn’t even feeling tired considering I flew for 18 hours. The feeling of being with my family is just very special. The whole family attended the mass and my brother Adoy treated us for dinner. They initially wanted to go to Chef d’ Angelo but I requested for Filipino food. We went to Dencio’s. Whew! We were stuffed!
To be continued…
mood: 
I had my annual check up last Saturday. My doctor also took blood works and urine sample...part of the process. Then, I went to Cabrini where Tita Gie works. She had a co-worker who gave us a ride to NJ. We went to Walmart and Marshall’s. I found the shoes similar to the one I saw at DSW. It’s almost half the price but still I didn’t want to buy it. I kept on saying it’s just a ‘want’, not a ‘need’. Tita Gie maybe noticed how I wanted the shoes so she got it for me. Thanks, Tita Gie. We arrived at Tita Gie’s house. No one was home. We had dinner and went upstairs to watch tv. I went to bed late that Saturday…2am. I finished the movie I was watching. I woke up at past 9am. I wasn’t able to sleep well. I kept on waking up then forcing myself to go back to sleep again. Tita Gie made breakfast…bacon and eggs. I ate it with toasted bread. Hmmm yummy! We went to church at 12noon. We were a little late. Her kids were just taking their time dressing up. After mass, we headed back home and cooked lunch. Tita Gie made chicken barbeque while I fried lumpia shanghai. Tito Freddie finally arrived at about past 3pm. But we didn’t leave for NY till an hour later. We went to Tita Inday’s house in Manhattan to drop off KC, had dinner and left at around 8pm. Monday was a holiday being Labor Day. I just stayed home the whole day fixing things. I organized all my paper works and picked those that I’ll be bringing with me. What a tiring day!
I got a text message from Tita Baby last night at almost midnight saying Nanay is in the hospital. She was in the operating room that time for appendicitis. I tried sending a text message to Tito Paqui but didn't get a reply. And I don't know Tita Aba's cell number. So I called Tita Baby but didn't get much information. She said she hasn't talked to them yet and that she was about to leave her house to go to work. And so I went to sleep.
Just a few minutes ago, I got another text from Tita Baby asking if I called them in the Philippines. I said not yet. She said she called them again last night (like after 2 hours from the time Nanay entered the operating room) and Nanay hasn't come out yet. Nanay had raptured appendicitis. Tita Aba called Tito Paqui crying for help at around 4am. Nanay was really in pain and she didn't know what to do. Tito Paqui asked Tita Aba to bring Nanay to Las Pinas which she did. Then upon bringing her to the hospital, they learned that the infection has already spread. Earlier, Nanay already spent overnight in a hospital in Marikina. But never did they think that it was something this serious. They were only told she's high in potassium. I feel so worried that I want to see Nanay badly. I hope she'll be ok. Tita Baby said everybody thought Nanay is leaving us this soon.
I also called Irvin but Mommy said he went to the hospital to see Nanay. I'll just call him again to know how Nanay is now.
mood: 
I called Tzie last Tuesday knowing that her due date is August 27th. I wasn't able to talk to her and got her voice mail instead. I left a message but had to call again and asked their receptionist if she's still reporting for work which she actually is. Then, I got a call from her at exactly 8:08 pm last night. She said she went to work that Tuesday but having felt that the baby wasn't moving, she asked her husband Jay to take her to the hospital. True enough, her water bag already broke. But she said she wasn't feeling any labor pains. So she was admitted. She gave birth on August 24th at 11:52 pm to a healthy 7.2 lbs baby girl. Yey! Congratulations Jay and Tzie! I hope to see you before I leave for the Philippines.
mood: 
I’m leaving for the Philippines soon and as it gets nearer, it actually gets slower. Am I being impatient?! If I can only pull the days towards me!
I have finished buying all the ‘pasalubong’ that I intend to bring to the Philippines. I’m sure a lot of people are expecting something from me. I know I will hear many side comments and half-gag, half-truth reactions. I feel bad for I can’t meet everyone’s expectations. I just can’t please everybody! And that’s the truth…
By the way, it was my Tita Aba’s birthday last August 14th. Belated Happy Birthday Tita! May all your wishes come true!
mood: 
I went to pick up my plane ticket last Saturday in Flushing. Finally, I met my travel agent Annie. She’s rather nice in person and very soft spoken. I think she felt comfortable with me right away having opened some of her personal issues in life. And I was flattered. We had lunch at a Korean Restaurant which I can’t even remember the name. Food was good. We ordered Beef Kalbi Tang and Grilled Salmon. It’s also common for Koreans to have a lot of side dishes. Believe me…just for these appetizers you won’t even need to have the main course.
Then I went to Manhattan to return something to Target not knowing that they never had a store in the city. A guy told me there’s one in Queens Plaza. It was actually my 1st time to ever ride the N and R train. But jeez I had to waste almost 3 hours just for the travel…looking for a Target store. There wasn’t also a Target store in Queens Plaza so again someone said I should go to Queens Center Mall. Then, there it was. Whew! I got a laced camisole and a shrug for a reasonable price.
I started packing yesterday. I just don’t want to rush things later. And since I don’t have much space in my room, when it’s summer, I usually put my winter clothes in the luggages. But now I need one for my trip to the Philippines so I unpacked that and sorted all the clothes that I plan on bringing including the ‘pasalubong’ I have bought for my family and friends. I weighed them bag per bag just to have an idea of how much it’ll be in total. Guess what?! It reached 145 lbs. and I’m only allowed 140 lbs. Well 2 boxes of 70 lbs. each to be exact. So I decided to just return some of the soaps and chocolates I got from Costco. I don’t think it’s practical to be paying the excess baggage fee.
Right now, I feel so dead-tired. I hope I can sleep early tonight though.
mood: 
It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve been busy with work lately which is really good for me. I mean I’d rather have busy days than slow ones. Anyway, I was supposed to meet Tita Baby last Saturday but I couldn’t reach her since Friday. I asked her to make me a blazer and a dressing gown. She would have accompanied me in buying the fabrics in Manhattan. But now I changed my mind. I don’t really need a blazer. It’s going to be hot in the Philippines in the 1st place and I might end up not wearing it. I also don’t need a dressing gown. I’ll just ask for a robe since we’ll be at a hotel on that day. I bought some chocolates too…well a lot actually. I don’t want to be rushing things later when it’s almost time for me to pack. I’m all set other than the vitamins for Nanay. I’ll be picking up my ticket this coming Saturday and have lunch with my travel agent as well. I'm so excited that I just can’t wait to go home!
mood: 
Saturday
I went to NJ for a dinner celebration of Tita Baby’s birthday. Speaking of which, her real birthday is today. I just sent her a text message. I arrived there at noon…a little past 12. The food was good. They had kare-kare, tinumis, rellenong bangus, pansit bihon and the best of all, leche flan. It was supposed to be an early dinner but her friends didn’t come until 6:30pm. And since I had to go with Tito Ariel to the train station, I had to eat fast and left.
Sunday
It was a very tiring day for me. Since I wasn’t able to do any chores the day before, I left the house at 8:30am to do my laundry. I attended mass at 10:30am alone as my landlady hasn’t arrived from camping. As soon as I got back home, I just took my bag and left not realizing that I didn’t bring my house keys with me. I had to wake up Lester just so I could get back in. It took a few minutes before he opened the door for me. I went to the supermarket and bought the things I need for chicken asado and sweet & sour meatballs. I went to buy lunch at the Chinese restaurant and ate it at home before I decided to check the things I bought earlier. It was after an hour when I learned that I left the meat at the store. Uh-oh! I called them right away but I was told there’s no bag with meat left in the counter. Then I went with Kuya Nel to Wal-mart thinking that I needed something. I ended up not buying anything. I went back to the supermarket to buy the meat and then cooked. It was already 5:40pm when I finished cooking. Tiring, right! Yeah I know! I cooked mongo ginisa for dinner. We ate. I washed the dishes. I cleaned the house. I fixed my bills…sorted and filed them. Geez! It was already 9:40pm when I finished everything. I was so freaking tired that I didn’t anymore have time to iron my office clothes. I took a quick shower, made a phone call and went straight to bed.
Monday
I called my friends/former colleagues in Castrol. It’s been a long time since I last talked to them though we exchange emails from time to time. It was quite long of a talk actually…an hour and a half. I spoke with Ruby, Fhatty and Dudes. I just miss them. Soon enough, I’ll see them again.
Tuesday
It was my sister whom I called last night. I just wanted to ask her about the favor I previously requested. She told me she hasn’t done it yet but she said she will. Then I had a quick conversation with my niece. She basically just asked me if I want a donut. Yes a donut! Isn’t that cute!
mood: 
I’ve been staring at the computer for a while now. I just don’t know what to write. The words just won’t come out naturally. I am not quite sure what I want to write about. I can’t compose my thoughts. I feel like I can no longer manage the baggage I’m carrying. It’s as if my head is about to blow. It has become overwhelming. It has gotten into my nerves. It has affected me in so many ways. All I want is… to be at peace! Peace of mind… quiet life… happy self…
mood: 
These past few days have been very stressful for me…personally and with work as well. I am trying my best not to be affected by it but I just can’t help it. I have said in my previous post that I have to learn to let go. I can’t control everything! I can’t let it happen the way I want it to be! I can’t please everyone! Many say God only gives us trials we can handle. I’m just happy and thankful that He didn’t just give me the challenges but also great friends I can count on. It is hard whatever I’m doing right now but I know I can overcome this…in God’s time.
mood:
I’ve been trying to go to bed early these past few days but I just can’t sleep right away no matter what. Maybe it’s because of the hot weather… or because of stress! Last night was different. I had a really good sleep for almost 9 hours. Yes! 9 hours! I’m a person who should have at least 8 hours of sleep. And it helps a lot. I don’t feel tired. I don’t feel sleepy. I don’t feel cranky. I just have the energy that I need! I hope it’ll be like this... always.
Mood: 
Having a misunderstanding with someone close to your heart is the worst feeling you could ever have. Every human is unique…different. And being one that is, we can’t just agree to something all the time. I feel so down right now. I feel like I’m floating in the air waiting to be blown away to where it will bring me. I’m totally confused. I keep asking myself what I did wrong! I just don’t understand how things are lately. All I know is I’m being honest with what I want to say and do. But you know what? There are times we have the tendency to say things that we don’t really mean. I’m trying my best not to hurt anybody. I try to choose the words I will use. But do I have to do all these just by myself?! They say it takes two to tango but it seems like it’s not happening the way it should be. I’ve done more than enough. Now I am choosing to learn how to let go. Oh yes it is not easy! But I think it’s the wisest move. I can’t please everyone. I can’t control all situations. I will have to try to accept things as they are because no matter what, she will not see… she will not realize… she can’t appreciate…unless she chooses to. Right now, I just want to be at peace… happy… content. And if it doesn’t come out as it’s expected, I don’t have to blame myself for not doing what I’m supposed to do because I know I tried. Only time can tell…
A friend of mine (Aileen) told me this very powerful line… Stress-free Life is Liberty!
mood: 
My sister's birthday was last Friday, July 8th. I'm late in doing my post again. Haha! I greeted her on that day! I sent her a text message! It's just that I don't blog often enough to remember it.
Anyway, as I always say, I really want you to be happy! All the best sistah! Mwah!
mood:
I made a post before on how really hard it is to leave a place with so much memories for good. ‘Nanay’ was crying her heart out last night. She was saying it’s not easy thinking that she’s in Manila not just for a vacation. She said she couldn’t voice out her concerns because she doesn’t want to be misunderstood. She wants to live close to her children but it’s really hard for her to be away from the place she has gotten used to. She said she can’t just stay home most of the time watching tv, eating, sleeping. And even if she wants to go somewhere, she doesn’t know the ins and outs of the place. She doesn’t even know how to get to the bus station so she could go to the province. Over there, she can just go to the market by herself…go to church…go visit ‘Tatay’ at the cemetery. It’s really different not being in your own house. And I feel for her. I didn’t exactly know what to tell her other than be open with her feelings. She has to tell them how she feels and what she wants. My aunt was also saying last night that 'Nanay' will stay with me had I been in Manila. I think so too. I remember her saying that to me a few years back. I just miss her. I’m just glad I’ll be seeing her soon…
mood: 
We went out for dinner at Boulder Creek in College Point. It was our first time there except for Lester. It's basically American cuisine. The food was great. I had a full rack of baby back ribs in hickory sauce. Yes it's very yummy! I didn't want to order steaks as I might not be able to finish it. It came with my choice of fries and house salad with vinaigrette dressing. I didn't like the dressing though. I think it got some herbs that made the taste different. But overall, I enjoyed their food.
Side story... I told them I should have brought my camera with me as soon as we entered the restaurant. They were like...'yeah you could have taken your camera with you'. They even suggested to buy a disposable one at a nearby store. I'm like, forget it! I said don't worry about it! It's really ok. But little did I know, Manang Fely (my landlady) had her camera with her. I also didn't even notice when Sylvia told the waiter that it's my birthday and so 3 waiters came with a very delicious dessert called rocky mountain avalanche (hot fudge brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream) and sang a happy birthday song. Isn't that great! Oh and I'm just happy they took a picture of me blowing a candle.
While my family and friends are not here to celebrate with me, I'm just glad...really happy that I have Manang Fely and the family with me. Now as I go to bed, a sweet smile remains...
mood: 
I knew it! There will be more greetings!
Pat just called (3:50pm) not so long ago. I haven't talked to him since they moved to North Carolina. I understand since they got so preoccupied with so many things being in a new place. He also told me his wife Sheryll is pregnant.
Tita Laling phoned me at 9:16:52 pm to say her greetings. We didn't stay that long on the phone as I was still out. She asked about my age. I said 31 without hesitation. Haha! I never denied my age. Though this will be my last year to be in the calendar. :)
Then Tita Neri called at 9:50:20 pm. I can hear her daughter KC in the background singing a happy birthday song. That's so sweet! Tita Neri also asked if I had a nice time last night. I'm like it was too short. She said I could sleep over next time.
Also, I got some more emails from my godson Migs (which of course was made by his mother Caryl), Diggs and Sarah as follows:
Happy Birthday Ninang Faye !!!!
Wish you have a successful life and prosperous marriage ahead....
See you soon!
Love,
MIGS
Diggs - Belated happy b-day 2 u Faye....
Happy birthday, Faye!!Blow out, blow out, blow out !!Pictures ulit, ha..Kelan ba uwi mo?Sarah
Lastly, a greeting from Cathy while I'm doing my post right now.
Oops, one more...
Fhatty - Sis hapi bday! Glod bles u! 11:02:04pm 7/6/05
