facing my fears...
Many say I’m too organized… from being orderly, neat, keeping things on schedule down to planning the days ahead. Tita Laling even calls me a ‘neat freak’. My manager at work always reminds me to loosen up. Well let me tell you something… I may look like I’m fine… it may seem like everything is manageable… it may look as if our life is on a really smooth-sailing ride… it may seem like nothing is wrong… but I also have my own fears.
Back then… whenever people would ask me when I’m going to get married, my favorite tag line was “it’ll come”. I was already past the age of 25 but still I felt that it’s still not late. I was 31 when we tied the knot. We’ve waited long enough for that day. And everything seemed to be taking its place little by little. I'm one of the few lucky ones who made it to America where I feel like saving up is easier. I was able to finally get Irvin to join me here. God has been so good! I know that and I’m very thankful for that!
Now I’m already at a stage where I want to start having a family… to have a baby. But can we manage it? Irvin doesn’t even have a job yet. He couldn’t find an employer to sponsor him. Getting an odd job hasn’t been easy either. We can’t even buy a car. It’s ok though… anyway we both agreed that it’s not a priority for now. I’m currently helping my family too financially. Economy has been really bad these days in the Philippines. And in as much as I want to give more, I just couldn’t. There are bills to pay and with me being the only one working, I’m afraid my earnings won’t be enough if we’ll have a baby. Uncle Ken (Tita Laling’s husband) once said that I should have a baby now… that I don’t have to worry too much… that planning is good but sometimes it’s better off taking the risk… that I’m not getting any younger… that we’ll be able to figure it out when the situation comes. Irvin and I also think the same way. We feel that it’s better to have a baby now while he’s not yet working. Well you don’t want to be working and spending all of your earnings for a baby sitter! This is the perfect time… He can take care of his own child and maybe after all my papers are done, our kid will be 2 or 3 years old already. Then we can just take him/her to a daycare and Irvin can start working. And Irvin doesn’t have any problem with that. Whew! What a very great plan I have!
But I’m still confused... not sure on what is the best thing to do! It’s so funny how I detail all my worries and yet, I’m also the one justifying them. Am I really scared? Or I’m just being paranoid? What should I do?
17 comments:
hi there, faye!
can totally relate to your fear about having a baby at this point - can we manage?
you know, i bought this smart parenting magazine last year. there was an article there "can you afford [another] baby?" it had a list of estimated expenses from the time pa lang you find out you're pregnant to about when the baby is i think 1 or 2 years old.
ang mahal. but they say it's all worth it and pag nandyan na, kakayanin kasi gagawin mo lahat para kayanin. so tru but i also can't help but feel scared sometimes.
dami kasing other obligations like the condo we just bought plus my car plus i am also giving financial help to my parents.
but then again, kung hindi ngayon, kelan pa.
one of my cousins said na when they got married, ganito din sila. they wanted to be financially stable first. they've been married more than 5 years now, very stable jobs and still no baby. baka daw sa kaka postpone ko, baka biglang wala pala. it gets me thinking tuloy.
is it more scary to have a baby and think about how you will be able to maage with all the expenses? or not to be able to have a baby at all?
hirap ano? but i am sure everything will fall into lace in due time - in God's time. diba?
lisa
hey faye!
i can relate. i was 28 when we got married then we thought we still have to save before having a baby... yun lang naman nagdelay, budget... but came June 2006 when we decided to take the risk... now i am pregnant {see my blog}...
your aunt is right... not everything should be planned... you take a risk and God will be there to catch you, you just have to have FAITH.
things have been doing good for you and Irvin, I guess him not having work yet is a blessing in disguise, again you just have to have FAITH.
ingat ka. take it easy and let it flow.
we women are all in the same boat. typical pinoy culture i guess. if you're not yet married, people will ask when? if you're married already, people will ask when are you going to have a baby? hay naku. the questioning never stops! :lol:
everything will happen in God's time. have faith.
happy sunday!
Hi Faye,
In our case, we didn't really do much planning. Well, at first, we said we'll have a baby after 1 yr of marriage. Then maraming nagsabi, baka hindi mabigyan ng baby if we delay. So we let God decide. If He wants us to have a baby now, so be it. After 4 mos. of marriage, we got pregnant na. : )
pat
I totally can relate with this entry... just like you, I am marrying past my prime and people are bluntly telling me to get pregnant right away. Well, who wouldn't want a baby?!?!?! You do have valid concerns because really, it's not easy to live on 1-income (right now) so I understand where you're coming from with those questions.
The plan you outlined though seems like a good idea. If Irvin is okay with being SAHD (stay-at-home dad), then, that's good! :) You can have the cake and eat it too!
Remember to pray and ask for God to work His magic on you both. He knows our desires, right? :)
Take care, Faye. God bless!
hello faye! After reading your post, parang ang dami kong gustong sabihin sayo, hehe... i see myself in that case 5yrs ago when we decided to get married and I was only 26. Ayoko pang magbaby kasi feeling hindi pa namin kaya ang gastos. When the time came na gusto na namin magbaby,I visit an OB only to find out I have a problem in getting pregnant. Kinda frustrating but then we asked God's help and we offered ourselves to Him. After 2yrs nabuntis ako(thank God)and here's Migs our tiny miracle and our little angel. And as our baby came, the blessings of God never stops. I know you know my life is... :)
We only live once. We don't even know if we're still alive tomorrow, diba. If you wanted to have a baby now, then let it be. I know how hard to take the risks but then if you let God be your driver, He will surely lead you to what's best, then everything's in order. You never know, your baby will be your guiding angel. Alam ko iba-iba ang kapalaran ng tao but one thing Im sure of, God knows what we need and if its the best for us, He will surely give it to you! Don't worry too much Faye, tatanda ka agad nyan, hehe... sorry ang haba ng comment ko ha. Regards to Irvin. And hopefully we'll see next year. Take care. God Bless!
hi, ladies! thanks so much for the comforting words. i completely understand what all of you are saying... it's just that i'm too scared to take the risk. i don't want the baby to suffer if ever though as you all said, God will provide and we as parents will surely do everything to take care of the baby.
First off, thanks for dropping a note on my pregnancy journal, Im really glad you stopped by:)
I believe it is not uncommon for women to think of having a baby once in their lifetime. And I know where you're coming from-- our biological clock keeps on ticking, we don't want our kids to suffer, we want the best for our family, all can be stressful on its own. I had my first baby right after getting married, it was untimely at age 25. But when we had her, everything came clear to me, God has laid His plan on me--unparalleled blessing, priceless gift, and unconditional love from an innocent child. We didn't plan but the fruit is overwhelming.
God said, "to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven... a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted... a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh."-- ecclesiastes 3:1-4....You might find yourself still planning, preparing, organizing, making lists and worrying. These are still important to God but what is greater than that is to take time to sit at Jesus' feet and really listen. When I had my child, I sacrificed and chose to stay at home to take care of my kid while hubs works. It can be strenuous and yet fulfilling and rewarding. When its time for us to have the second bunch of joy, it was never easy-- getting pregnant can also be hard, months after months of anticipation only to find out that you have to try again. But when its really the right time, regardless of planning and worrying, He'll give it to you sometimes in most unexpected moments of your life. Just keep on praying and everything will come to pass in God's time. If you feel in your heart you're ready to have kid, then take out your fear and ask for His guidance, if its for you then you'll receive it. Just Trust Him. Your lucky your hubby wants to sacrifice working to take care of your future baby. That is a blessing on its own. You take care guys and goodluck! God bless.
hi faye,
i share the same sentiments. from the moment that i was old enough to make my own decision, i try to carefully plan and map out the decisions that i make in my life, kaya getting out of the comfort zone can be very daunting.
with the pressure of having a family looming above us, i get sooo apprehensive and paranoid. we want to have a baby, no doubt about it, but MY fears far outweigh the instinct to become a mother at this point. siguro nga, hindi pa kami handa. but when i consider the points that some women say about throwing caution in the wind, at yun ngang 'kung hindi ngayon, kailan?', nawawala yung resolve kong maghintay.
nakakatakot, oo. at siguro madami tayong dapat i-sacrifice for it, pero i have learned to take it one day at a time, diba? baby steps lang, like what they say, things will fall into place soon. :)
carms - thanks for the advices. will keep those in mind. i think i just have to really lift everything to HIM and see what happens.
abby - i get confused too. depende who will i talk to... i tend to be biased and forget what i really want. i'm sure about wanting to have a baby but fear is what's stopping me. sabi nga ng tita ko, there's no right time for that. thanks ha! :)
hi faye!
very encouring naman comments nila :D sakin naman lakasan nga ng loob kasi kung hindi pa ngayon kelan pa? parang mas magastos gumawa ng baby pag pinatagal mo pa hehe
yngat palagi and goodluck sa plan :D
hi, kitts! i know... sabi ko nga kailangan ko rin siguro mag let go in a way. let it flow baga. katuwa mga ladies for their advices. thanks ha!
hi faye,
trust in the lord and offer everything to him. god always have plans for us, sometime we can't see it and we need to step backward to really look at the big picture. take care and god bless!.
hi, nette! thanks. it's just so frustrating that sometimes you want something but you're hessitant to pursue it.
hi sis, God will provide...=)
hi faye, dont' be pressured by what other people tell you. sa culture kasi natin, once married dapat may baby kagad. pero if we feel na hindi pa talaga tayo ready, then hindi pa. kayo lang ni irvin ang makakapag sabi and decide kung kelan talaga ang perfect time. pero syempre, only God knows kung kelan ang perfect time (ang gulo ko ba?! hehe)
anyway, i guess it's a different case pag binigay talaga ni Lord without us planning it. if that does happen, i'm sure you'll be very happy and it only means na right time na talaga.
i just pray that He'll guide you and irvin in making the right decisions para walang panghihinayang in the end :) take care!
hi, alynn! thanks!
gracita - i'm not really pressured by people. in fact, i want to have a baby now. it's just that i'm freaking out for we might not be able to manage it. we'll yet have to see. thanks ha!
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